thought of the day #55

each time i talk to you, i want to talk to you for ages and learn everything you feel and love and think. each time i hug you, i wish you'd pull me closer and i could revel in the feeling forever.

yeah. i wish.

(101st post).

thought of the day #54

let this time when everything hurts pass. please.

why.

why do i screw everything up?

why am i always the killjoy?

why am i the back up plan?

why can't i be important?

why can't you touch my face?

why can't you laugh at my jokes?

why is it my lot in life to lose people?

why do i push everyone i care about away?

why can't i ever be quiet?

why am i like this?

why am i crying?

why can't i just let things go?

why can't i just trust God?

why does this hurt so badly?

thought of the day #53

i feel invisible.

thought of the day #52

will someone always be more important than me?

letters to blind eyes #3

dear x, i still can't think of some things without aching over you.

dear x, you're only there for me when you can find the time.

dear x, being close to you is like trying to hug a hurricane.

dear x, i really hope i get to be near you forever.

thought of the day #51

i'm very glad i chose his ending.

because i'm going to publish it someday.

thought of the day #50

i can't figure out if you knew you were destroying me when you did. because i'm fairly certain that you knew my worst fear was losing people. and then you left. it was best for you, i know, but you hardly considered how much it would hurt me.

when exactly did you stop caring?

thought of the day #49

i love when i'm honest and things turn out good.

thought of the day #48

when you're with her, she's your best friend.

when we're alone, i'm your best friend.

when we're out, i'm just your friend.

thought of the day #47

you're a thousand miles away. it's fitting that now you really are as far away as you feel.

thought of the day #46

if i texted you now, you wouldn't reply.

i'm almost 90% positive on this.

thought of the day #45

that's not exactly what i needed today. but okay.

i'm trying to make sense.

of these severed ties and mismatched puzzle pieces. i'm trying to figure out what i did wrong. going back through every year, month, day, hour. pinpointing my failures. the times i should have been there unconditionally. god, i'm such a wreck. if i had known what i do now, would i have let you down then? i was human, e, and you knew that. we both were. we both are.

thought of the day #44

hahahahahahahaha wow.

thought of the day #43

i'm trying so bloody hard, but it feels like letting you go is impossible. i have to say goodbye to you in my heart every day. every day is a new goodbye. and it breaks me every time.