thought of the day #64

so won't You come a little closer now, come a little a closer, 'cause i can't handle it, handle You, handle You being so far.

honesty.

here's the deal.

you said the reason we can't be friends anymore is because you changed. you "got a dose of reality" and "grew up." and basically in a way told me that i'm childish and my big dreams are nonsensical and can get me nowhere. because you know what's real? high school, marriage, and careers are. that's what you said. well, i finished high school and i faced my own reality. i had to grow up and it was hard but i had you to keep me lighthearted and hopeful. you and my incredible friends. i had ambition. i had potential. i saw all things as possible. that's how i was and it's how i am still for the most part. and because of you i've learned about trust and the loss of trust. i've learned about change and how it's good and it's hard and it's painful. i've learned about healing.

but you know what? there was absolutely no reason we couldn't still be friends. you've changed, yes. you've grown out of me. but if you were a true friend to me, you would have stuck through it all. we were besties. that means forever. i don't know if you know what forever means, but i do. until the day your heart stops beating. and people are hard to cope with. i know i am. but you were too and i would've fought for you tooth and nail if i had to. if you had wanted me to. but you don't. you don't want me anymore. because you're mature. and you've seen reality. and you've grown up. me going to college is no reason for us to not be friends anymore. and yes, i'm always going to be who i am.

i'm sorry i can't change that to fit your reality.

thought of the day #63

you texted me. for the first time in i don't know how long.

my heart skipped beats. i feel like crying.

thought of the day #62

forgiveness is the hugest part of my life right now.

thought of the day #61

i hate this feeling. i feel judged and hated. i feel like i will never trust someone to be best friends like that again.

you have ruined me.

thought of the day #60

i finished our story.

now i have no one to share it with.

thought of the day #59

"i'll be around,"

does not mean you'll like it.

thought of the day #58

i can't take this anymore. i need you to be my best friend.

you.

will never know how much you have hurt me.

thought of the day #57

you reassured me today that i mattered.

that i made an impact in your life.

but somehow i feel utterly useless.

and i miss everything we had.

thought of the day #56

one more day and i will probably never see you again.

part of me thinks you'll be happier that way.