feeling blue.

this is a recent development. i think it's due to boredom for the most part. and the fact that things have been changing a lot recently. something i finally thought i could trust to be concrete has crumbled. and you know, i should've seen it coming. i did see it coming, actually. i was just too young and too stupid to stop myself from getting attached. attachment is the worst. attachment breeds affection and affection disillusioned me. i thought that maybe i could mean the same to someone that they meant to me. i was very, very wrong. the thing about attachment is that there is always an inevitable detachment. and now i just feel detached from everything. attached, everything felt raw, charged, alive. detached, everything becomes just ever so slightly muted. and i feel blue. because i have nothing to do and i miss attachment and i miss feeling alive and i miss all the people i've had to lose in my life, even if they're close enough to touch. i'm mad at myself for moping and desperate to move on, but tonight i'm feeling blue.