thought of the day #24

this is sort of a past thought, i thought it yesterday really. but i can't really stop thinking about it today either, so i guess it counts. it's one of those things were it's trivial enough so i won't even mention it but it hurts enough for it to nag me all day long. you wanted her to go with us. so did i actually. but the fact that you said you wanted her to go so you could "have someone to talk to about it" really stung. i mean, i get what you mean and everything, but hearing that was kind of like a slap in the face. i'm sure you didn't mean it quite like that, but it sounded like you don't think i have value or worth.

which is what i have been feeling all along. it was almost like you were confirming all my doubts. i really wish i could say something and get the reassurance i'm desperately wanting, but i just can't. so i write it out here so that i feel it, cope with it, and move on.