disjointed thoughts.

the reason i hide is that i am scared of who i am. who i am is inexcusable to me, it's unacceptable. i can't accept myself, how can anyone else? i write these thoughts like they're somehow important, but they're really not. so i construct a wall. a borderline. something i despise in others, well, i do it myself. i have no right to accuse others of masquerading, when i'm guilty of the same. the thing is, i have these standards for myself. half-composed with good intentions, half-composed with doubts, insecurity. i feel like i have to live up to these standards or no one will love me. i cannot be flawed, i cannot be incomplete. i must be whole. that's why i don't tell anyone about this blog. this is the last thing i have to hide behind. yes, i am hiding. because if anyone saw the real me, i'm half-convinced they'd run screaming.