overwhelmed.

it's strange when feelings you were so sure of just leave. it's strange when people you were so sure of start to falter. because these feelings are leaving. these people are faltering. and i'm left here wondering where i fit into this universe. what do i do with these dreams that can't go anywhere? what do i do with these fears that keep me hesitating? it's hard to have hope when the world seems so hostile. it's hard to believe that God can still work miracles in hearts that have been so hardened. can God stop a train from crashing?

and now it's strange to look at him and realize that he's not the one i really want anyway. i wanted attention, i wanted to feel like i mattered to someone. so what if i don't matter to him the way i wanted to? i matter to someone far greater than he. but now what? my life had become curled around the idea that i liked this boy, but now that's fading and i'm left with the overwhelming question of "what now?" do i focus on school which i hate? do i try to keep writing stories no one will read? what now.